i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
