Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
