im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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