You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
