Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

The maid of honor just puked.

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(602): View more from Arizona

im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.

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(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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(480): View more from Arizona

You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day

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(703): View more from Virginia

And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.

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(613): View more from Ontario

We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"

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