He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
