Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
