I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
