My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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