She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
