Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
home. puking in laundry basket.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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