New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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