Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
