TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
