I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
