it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
