why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
