I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
