Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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