Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
