It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
