If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
