I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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