Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
