dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
