You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
