he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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