how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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