She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
