It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
