How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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