so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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