How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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