Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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