Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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