I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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