I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
