I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
