i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
