Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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