not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
