I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
