Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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