I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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