Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
