PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
