I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
