Everything about him screamed your future.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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