At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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