he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
